What the Friedecker Rebbe's Father told him on his Bar Mitzvah

The Friedecker Rebbe's (R. Yosef Yitzchok Schneersohn) father (R. Sholom Dovber Schneersohn) gave his son three pieces of advice on his Bar Mitzvah:

1) Don't fool yourself.
2) Don't fool others.
3) Don't let others fool you.

At first glance this seems to be the kind of advice any father might give his son, for example a stock broker from Westchester might give his son this kind of practical advice on how to do well in the stock market or in his business.

But these points hearken to the first Chapter of Tanya:

It has been taught: An oath is administered to him (before birth, warning him): 'Be righteous and be not wicked; and even if the whole world tells you that that you are righteous, regard yourself as if you were wicked.'

If the world tells you that you are righteous (3. "Don't let others fool you"), regard yourself as if you were wicked. We all have a tendency to justify ourselves and portray ourselves in the best light possible. Look at how the muckety-mucks on Wall Street justify their bonuses in terms of all the good they do. If things go wrong, well that's just the way the market went, it's not their fault. But on the other hand, when the market went well they took all the credit. (2. "Don't fool others.") Even wicked people justify what they do as being righteous. Just look at a world filled with terrorism where the worst are called righteous.

But the Alter Rebbe continues in the Tanya:

This requires to be understood, for it contradicts the Mishnaic dictum: 'And be not wicked in your own estimation.' (Avot Ch.2, 13)

Neither are you are as bad as you think you are. (1. "Don't fool yourself.") When things go wrong, we frequently blame ourselves, sometimes taking on all of the blame. This can lead to depression or a feeling of worthlessness. It can also lead to a feeling of indifference and callousness which leads to a hardening of the heart and coarseness of character as the Alter Rebbe continues to explain in Tanya:

Furthermore, if a man considers himself to be wicked he will be grieved at heart and depressed, and will not be able to serve G-d joyfully and with a contented heart; while if he is not perturbed by this self-appraisal, it may lead him to irreverence, G-d forbid.

The Friedecker Rebbe's father didn't just tell him these things. He taught them to him throughout his life. This is how we must be with our children and grandchildren, teaching them to be righteous and worthy people throughout their lives. In this way we will merit to have an influence on them for the good.